Literature's Next Frontier


Flamingo

NON-FICTION:

Jack of Hearts - 1

by Jack of Hearts Quill-red

Jack of Hearts

In my short 22 years, I've been a lot of things. I've been sentimental, depressed, happy, anxious, excited, poor, livid... the list goes on and on. One thing I always try to remind myself during the bad times, is that every person that has ever lived and died has experienced the same lows. Sometimes the situation is different, but the end result remains the same. Charles R. Swindoll once said "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes”. This is one quote that certainly hits close to home. I grew up with very little outside of my basic needs, and I'm not doing much better now, but I've always managed to find people that are rich in happiness. 

Astounding isn't it? Maybe money doesn't equal happiness

I'm doing alright for myself, relatively speaking, but happiness eludes me. My whole life I've seen people above and below my financial level that seem to be happy. This was less clear to me as a child, as I would blame my unhappiness on not having as much as those around me. Being poor and open enrolling in a nearby wealthy school district didn't help. It's easy to blame negative feelings on things that are out of your control, especially when you're young. If I could chat with my younger self right now, to convince him that money wouldn't make him happy, I doubt a 12 or 13 year old JoH would agree. Thinking back on my life, and how I used to think, is undoubtably what caused me to come to this next conclusion - life is nothing but how you percieve it.

One more time. Life is nothing..... but how you percieve it

Now the past 4 years have been somewhat of a blur to me. After a high school experience where I only had a few friends, participated in no extra-curricular activities, and graduated with a 2.0 GPA, I decided to join the Marine Corps. I thought that a fresh start and a little time to sort through my mind would help. After 4 years in the Marines, I'm no further along spiritually than when I graduated. I still don't know who I am. I still lack a sense of greater purpose. I'm still the same manic-depressive loser that graduated with a low GPA and no friends. To my credit, I did exit the service with a few friends... but as fate would have it, they are still enlisted, and I'm right where I began after high school graduation.

Right where I began... not quite

In the last 6 months I have worked very hard to put myself in a position to succeed. I started going to college full-time, landed a decent job in a technical setting, and I'm now able to afford a respectable lifestyle. I've set myself up for success, and on paper I should be happy. It's only when I'm truly doing well in my life that I realize that the answer to my happiness is somewhere else. If my life is 90% how I react to the events of my life, meaning my life is 90% how I percieve and react... how can I hope to ever find happiness? Maybe no matter what I do, I'll always be unhappy for 6 out of the 7 days of the week. No matter what I do, I'll always feel like this. 

No matter what. I'll be unhappy no matter what

I guess moving forward I'll have to learn to accept this, and cling to the good times with everything I have... or else live inside the world my mind has dictated to be a cold and depressive place. If only I could see the world through someone elses eyes, maybe then I'd be happy. 

If only


Posted on: September 30 2014

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POETRY:

The Fool

by Mr. JerseyDolphin Quill-red

 I don't let a lot of people in

However I let you in

Told you my hopes and fears

You were my queen and I wanted to be your king but you treated me like your personal jester

You used me like a piece of gum, chewed me up and spit me out

Now I'm lost and feeling hurt

Guess that old song is true.... "Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

 


Posted on: September 25 2014

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